the efficient organizer

ESTJ type diamond e s t j

ESTJs and relationships

People with ESTJ preferences tend to have strong personalities. They often try to protect the people they care about. Laser-focused at work, they’re generally just as passionate about their home and family life, and may even apply the same precise leadership style in making sure that their relationships are doing well.


ESTJs and conflict

In conflict, ESTJs tend to dominate other people with their thoughts and opinions. In fact, this could be one way that ESTJs cause conflict in the first place! Because they’re so passionate about doing things a certain way, they can sometimes alienate other people with differing viewpoints.

If other people are vague in their communication or take too long to make a decision, this will likely cause conflict for ESTJs.

If you have ESTJ preferences, you can minimize conflict in your relationships by:

  • Taking the time to listen to and understand the other person’s point of view. You may think your own view is the right one, but it’s important to listen to the people you care about.
  • Remembering that other people may have an emotional investment in their ideas or opinions. While you’re likely driven by sound logic, others may be motivated by passion or creativity. Rather than making them feel inferior, try to celebrate their talents and make room for them.
  • Giving others some time and space to cool off. You’ll probably want to squash conflict to get back on track, but other people may need time to get over an argument. Remember to allow them this “cooling-off period” before resolving a conflict.

ESTJs and love

People with ESTJ preferences tend to take on leadership roles, even in their romantic relationships. This works well with a more relaxed partner, but may lead to conflict if their partner also wants to control everything in the relationship. ESTJs tend to do best when they can exert some control over day-to-day details to show their partner that they care.

ESTJs are always working to make their relationships better, which often results in them being attentive and dedicated partners. They may need reminders to pause from time to time, but their partners will usually feel loved and appreciated.

Want to improve your relationships and learn more about your personality type? Take the MBTI® assessment here and receive our personal development course on getting along included with your purchase.

ESTJs and parenting

The MBTI® framework can be very helpful when it comes to raising children. Knowledge of your own communication habits, stress triggers, and preferences often makes parenting easier. By integrating an awareness of differences into family life, the whole family can benefit from these insights.

ESTJs are likely devoted and driven parents who want what’s best for their families. They may set high expectations for their children—generally, though, they do this only because they want their children to have the best in life and meet their goals as they grow older.

Parents with ESTJ preferences will likely feel stressed when their children throw tantrums or lose interest in plans, hobbies, or activities they had previously committed to.

If you have ESTJ preferences and you think your child shares your Sensing and Thinking preferences, this can help you to understand how your child takes in information and makes decisions—both of which are important for how you communicate as a parent.

If you think your child’s preferences are different than yours, self-awareness will help you to change your communication and parenting style to better suit those preferences.


ESTJs and friendship

ESTJs are bold and outgoing friends. They truly love being around other people. They’re often up for a lively debate or an exciting outing with friends—though they’ll likely want to be the one to plan everything!

They can strengthen their friendships by making it clear that they’re listening to your friends, and taking steps to relax their usual organizational tendencies.