the efficient organizer

ESTJ type diamond e s t j

ESTJs and relationships

ESTJs have strong personalities, and they tend to try to protect the people they care about. While people with ESTJ personality types are laser-focused at work, they are just as passionate about their home and family life, and they often apply the same type of precision and leadership in making sure their relationships are doing well.



In conflict, ESTJs tend to dominate other people with their thoughts and opinions. In fact, this could be one way that ESTJs cause conflict in the first place. Because they’re so passionate about doing things a certain way, ESTJs can sometimes alienate people with softer personalities or differing viewpoints. If people take too long to make a decision or speak in a vague manner, it will likely cause conflict with an ESTJ.

If conflicts arise, ESTJs can minimize them by:

  • Keeping quiet and listening to the other person’s side. While ESTJs tend to think their views are the right views, it’s important for them to listen to the people they care about and try to understand their points of view.
  • Understanding that others may be more emotionally invested than they are. ESTJs are likely driven by sound logic, while other personality types may be motivated by passion or creativity. Instead of making them feel inferior, ESTJs can applaud their talents and give them some breathing room.
  • Giving others time to cool off. While ESTJs tend to want to squash conflict to get back on track, other people may need time to get over an argument. If you’re an ESTJ, remember the importance of a “cooling off period” before resolving a conflict.

ESTJ and love

ESTJs tend to fall into a leadership role even in romantic relationships, which works well with a partner who may be more relaxed. While ESTJs may butt heads with someone who also wants to control everything in a relationship, they do best when they can exert some control over day-to-day details. This helps to show that they care.

ESTJs are always working to make their relationships better, which often results in them being attentive and dedicated partners. They may need reminding to stop and smell the roses a bit, but their partners will always feel loved and appreciated by an ESTJ’s grand gestures.

Want to improve your relationships and learn more about your personality type? Take the MBTI® assessment here and receive our personal development course on Getting Along included with your purchase.

ESTJ and parenting

Knowing your MBTI® personality type gives you a distinct advantage when it comes to raising your children. Understanding your communication habits, stress triggers, values, and how your personality is similar or different from your children helps make the whole parenting process easier.

A parent with ESTJ preferences is probably a devoted and driven parent who always wants to do what’s best for their family. While they may set high expectations for their children, they only want them to have the best in life and meet their goals as they grow older.

ESTJ parents likely feel stressed when children throw tantrums or lose interest in things that they committed to previously. Knowing stress triggers is important because parents need to be able to care for themselves to best care for their children.

If an ESTJ thinks their child’s preferences are similar to their own (especially when it comes to the Sensing and Thinking preferences), they can better understand how they take in information and make decisions – both very important in terms of how parents communicate.

If a parent thinks their child’s preferences are different than theirs (especially if they have an Intuition or Feeling preference), they’ll have the knowhow to change communication and parenting style to better suit those preferences. Essentially, they can “speak their child’s language”.

By integrating awareness of differences into family life, the whole family will benefit from the insights, just as individuals benefit from turning personality knowledge into action.


ESTJ and friendship

As friends, ESTJs are bold and outgoing. They truly love being around others. They’re often up for lively debate and exciting outings with friends, though they’ll likely want to be the one to plan everything.

If you’re an ESTJ, you can strengthen friendships by listening to your friends when they speak, and relaxing a bit when it comes to your organizational tendencies.