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ESFJ type diamond esfj

ESFJs and relationships

ESFJs typically adhere to traditional societal norms and hierarchies when it comes to their personal relationships.

They frequently want to uphold the same traditions that their parents and grandparents honored, and they value having a tight-knit circle of friends, family members and a stable partner. They are very dependable and conscientious of others, and they have a nurturing side that others appreciate.



ESFJs tend to avoid conflict for fear of it threatening their valued relationships and structures. They are very uncomfortable with harsh comments or criticism.

When it comes to someone who has different values than their own, however, ESFJs tend to become defensive about their beliefs. Generally, if ESFJs don’t understand why a person does something or reacts differently than they might expect, it could become a source of conflict.

If conflicts arise, ESFJs can minimize them by:

  • Reminding themselves that there are lots of different types of people with values different than theirs.
  • Instead of trying to convince others that the ESFJ side is the right one, let them be.
  • Not interfering with conflicts simply because they threaten the stability of the group. It’s perfectly healthy for people to disagree and debate, even if it’s not your preferred communication style.
  • Not becoming bitter or passive aggressive if they feel under-appreciated or their opinions aren’t being heard. If they feel the need to communicate feelings, do so honestly and directly.

ESFJ and love

In love, ESFJs are fully committed and dedicated to their partners. They tend to gravitate toward traditional relationship structures, and they may quickly start to think about future plans or long-term goals with a partner.

While ESFJs often work well with a partner who challenges them to get outside their comfort zone a bit, they are generally looking for someone who shares the same values, beliefs, and moral code. ESFJ types tend to want to be honest and direct with partners about their expectations to ensure they’re on the same page.

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ESFJ and parenting

Knowing your MBTI® personality type gives you a distinct advantage when it comes to raising your children. Understanding your communication habits, stress triggers, values, and how your personality is similar or different from your children helps make the whole parenting process easier.

A parent with ESFJ preferences is a natural caretaker who may feel they’ve always wanted to be a parent. They likely feel it’s their duty to pass down values and traditions to the children, and make them feel loved and supported as part of a family unit.

As a parent, an ESFJ likely feels stressed when their children stray from the path set out for them, or form beliefs different their own. Knowing stress triggers is especially important because parents need to be able to care for themselves to best care for their children.

If a child’s preferences seem similar (especially when it comes to the Sensing and Feeling preferences), the parent can better understand how their child takes in information and makes decisions – both very important in terms of parental communication.

If their child’s preferences are different (especially if the child has an Intuition or Thinking preference), parents have the knowhow to change their communication and parenting style to better suit their child’s preferences. Parents can “speak their child’s language”.

By integrating awareness of differences into family life, the whole family will benefit from the insights, just as individuals benefit from turning personality knowledge into action.


ESFJ and friendship

As friends, ESFJs are the connecting link in the group. They are typically the ones who plan all activities, remember everyone’s birthday, make photo albums over the years, and call once a week.

Friends know that ESFJs are the people they can lean on for emotional support and a listening ear. But if you’re an ESFJ, you may feel a bit undervalued if your friends become busy or don’t get as excited about traditions as you do.